NOT A STAR?
Upsetting days of your life...
...begin in the simplest ways.
The needle of the sewing machine breaks.
Your son learning French.
The little "forcet". "Forcet"...What's that?
Faucet? What the hell?
And food burning in the oven.
Marco! Something's burning!
Smoke!
Burnt.
- Look at this. - What is it? - It was roast beef.
It doesn't matter, you'll do it again.
I can't work with these antique instruments.
Give it to the poor!
It's useless. Can't work with this.
Nothing works. Dump it.
- We'll give it to Dad, don't worry. - He'll die.
I'm super extra late.
Please get me a few avocados at the super.
I need to work on my sushi's. Thanks.
Don't clean up, I'll do it. I'll get mad if you do.
You change those baggy pants. They make you look like an old man.
Marco's trying to become a chef with difficulty.
Fausto and I think it's too difficult for him.
Hi, Giacinta.
We've come to consider Marco as...
I don't know. Not so special.
He's special because he's our son...
...but very often we say to him "it doesn't matter".
It doesn't matter.
Grades, soccer, girls, "it doesn't matter, Marco".
Got you.
Dear Lucia, I don't leave porno films in mailboxes.
But I thought you and Fausto would be interested.
My son's friend told him this film is a must...
...and my son Paulino recognized "someone" you might know.
When I came home, he was laughing his head off.
I confess, I laughed as well because...
I had no idea!
Does he take after his father?
If so, you've kept it such a secret!
What pain. It hurts. Oh, my God! I'm suffering!
What's wrong, Ma'am?
- I'm sick. - You're very sick?
- Ma'am! - What pain...
- Who is it? - The Doctor.
- Hello, Doctor. Madam is so sick. - So sick?
What a bad actor!
I'm here with the right medicine.
Oh yes Doctor, cure me!
If someone told me Marco would be in a porno film...
- In my lower back. - A massage, in your lower back?
And if I had to guess which role he played...
What protrusions you have!
I'd have said the man who finds his wife cheating on him.
And you, Doctor, you have a very nice protrusion!
Sad how little we believe in our kids.
Surprise!
I'll examine you, Doctor.
Let me check something.
I need to examine you closely.
I had to admit Marco did have something special.
Surprise!
Surprise...
On this issue, we wouldn't have said: "It doesn't matter".
Hello, Paolino. Where's Manuela?
- Mom's at work. - Do me a favor.
Tell her not to put trash in our mailbox.
- Ok? - Ok, I'll tell her when I see her.
Hi.
Sleazebag.
Here you are. It's hot...
- Would you like to try our salami? - No, thank you.
- Lucia! - Hello, Sandra.
- How are you? - Fine, and you?
Great, we're having a dinner for Dario's return.
- Dario... - He's graduating from med school.
A doctor in the family.
- And what about Marco? - A doctor... - Also?
No, no... He's a chef.
A chef...
Are you ok, Lucia?
I'm just fine.
- I need some avocados. - Bye.
- Hi, Lucia. - Hi, Osvaldo.
Such a bitch.
I can understand once, twice...
...but you park in my spot every night.
All the time never in your parking spot.
I'll teach you a lesson.
The bitch with a Micra...
She's on our spot for the 100th time.
Know what I did?
I parked smack in front. I'd like to see her leave tomorrow.
- Have you eaten? - Yes.
- What's for dinner? - Roast beef.
- Who made it? - Marco.
Let's taste.
Three years of cooking school...
...and he still can't cook meat?
He should have been a bartender. We were wrong.
Wrong on everything.
Maybe not everything. It doesn't matter.
- "It doesn't matter" - bullshit! - What's wrong?
Look at this!
- What is it? - A DVD. - Who gave it to you? - Manuela.
I can see why. This guy looks just like Marco.
Identical! Did you show him?
Fausto... that is Marco.
- Meaning? - It is your son. - In this film?
- Doing what? - What does one do in a porno film?
- Why? - Why? Go ask him!
Fausto, you should watch it.
- No, Lucia... you've watched it. - Trust me, watch it.
No, Lucia, I don't watch porno.
- You have to! - I don't want to!
Fausto, our son has the biggest thing I've ever seen.
It looks like a special effect!
Breath.
- He hid it from us. - Who knows since when.
- He could have told us. - About the film? - About it...
I mean about his... I can't say it.
How could he tell us?
You couldn't check it each month?
Everything ok? Has it grown?
He obviously didn't want to share that weight.
We have to tell him we know.
I'll do it as soon as he's home.
Let me do it, you always lose your temper.
My son screwed up and I have to find a nice way to tell him?
Yes, without being hard.
We have to be strict but not aggressive.
Because it could be a shock to him.
Nosy bastards, let's go in.
Had dinner Michele? We're going to.
Hi, Mario.
- What's on? - Curling. Dad likes it.
- I'll get a sandwich. - There's cold beer in the fridge.
Thank you.
Shall I?
- You've seen it? - I have. Dad hasn't.
And won't. Sit down.
Do you know how disgusting the porn world is?
It's a shitty world!
A world of exploitation, dirty money and drugs!
Don't you know? What do you know, you dummy?
- How do the others do it? - What others?
The actors' parents. Even porn stars have parents, right?
- I'm not a porno star. - What are you?
- Rocco Siffredi is a star! - Who? - Rocco Siffredi.
- Who's he? - Come on, Lucia!
I could be the mother of the most famous porno star in Italy and not know it.
He's laughing. What's so funny?
I was thinking of Rocco with his parents.
Know what you should be thinking?
About finding another family, that's what.
You can't do as you please!
Either you behave or you pack up!
Come on!
- He left, it's your fault. - My fault?
- And now? - Now what? - He's run away.
No he hasn't. You don't run away like this.
He's going to Federica's.
This is how it always happens. Like on Tv.
There's always a mother whose son left without saying goodbye.
And a hotline appears in case anyone has information.
- Open up! - What's wrong?
Nothing ever works here, can't open this.
- Did you press Ctrl Enter? - "Control Enter"...Doesn't work.
Try Ctrl Enter Shift.
- Nope. - You're so negative. You don't get it.
- What's this? - Don't touch. - Come on, let's try again.
Control... Enter... Shift.
- Stuck. - Stuck... Again.
Control... Enter... Shift...
- F10! - F10. Won't open.
- Shit. - I already tried that, Goretti.
- Just helping. - Go read the paper, I'm already pissed off.
What happened?
- Problems? - I'm calling the technician.
Is Lucia cheating on you?
- I told you. - Come on.
Is Marco doing drugs? All kids do drugs, it's normal.
- Their kids do drugs too. - Goretti...
Will this take long?
The parameters are all wrong. You fiddled with it.
He doesn't get it, he's negative.
- And then... Ctrl Enter Shift. - F10!
Not F10... F6! The disc.
- What? - The DVD! - Don't know, it was here.
I don't see it.
You're great pal!
F10.
Doesn't work?
- Cuviello! - Good morning, boss. - This is the Swedish delegation.
It's the Swedish project day.
What's that?
Must be a rerun of "Doctor House".
Cuviello, what are you doing?
Are you crazy?
I'm going to check. There must be interference.
Wild satellite dishes.
Cuviello?
- Good morning. - Good morning.
- Do you have "Fishing"? - The old one.
- Bus tickets? - Yes. - Two.
And these two.
So, two tickets, two nice films, forty euros.
Thank you.
- How many do you have? - How many?
It's doing well.
- I'll take them. - All? - All of them comes to 228 euros.
Son of a b...
- This is cool. - No, it's not "cool". It's the Land of Plenty.
- Do you remember? - This is cool.
This is cool!
It's cool, it's the Land of Toys. Wanna come?
- They're good, no? - Oscar-winning!
No, I can't! I promised the Fairy I'd go home.
- You dickhead! - Pannone!
Fausto, where are you?
- Lucia, I'm at the office. - What's that noise?
My window's open.
- Marco's not picking up. - He must be at Federica's.
Call her.
You call, I don't have her number!
I don't. I've never even seen her.
I know where she works.
Please Fausto, let's go together.
- I can't, I have to go to work. - Where are you now?
What I mean is... I can't move.
Get over here, fast.
- Who did it? - Pannone! - Did you do this? Look at me.
- Santos, are you ok? - Ok, ok.
- Pannone, what happened? - I sent Pinocchio to the moon.
It's not funny. You know where I'll send you?
You're being punished.
Someone else can play Candlewick.
I knew this would happen.
We need another Candlewick. Who wants to do it?
You? Zhang, you know the part? Good, by heart?
Ok! Then Zhang plays Lucignolo. You understand, Pannone?
What do you think of Federica?
- Think she knows? - Of course she does.
- And she stays? - Don't you see how she is when she comes over?
All "May I?", "Good morning"...
I think Marco knows she's not for him and so does she.
Marco's fed up, he wants to break up.
Good. He found a great solution.
What luck, a space.
What's this?
Nothing. I have to take it to be repaired.
Your boss sends you on errands? Great career!
Good morning.
- Good morning. - Deliveries at the back.
He thinks we're green grocers.
We're looking for someone.
- Can we have a table? - Have a reservation?
We don't, but it doesn't look packed.
- Hello! - Federica! - What are you doing here?
Lunch, but it seems complicated.
- May I wait on them? - Why eat here?
I'm pissed off. We're not good enough?
- Shall we have a bite? - Sure.
I didn't think this was your type of place.
Why would you think that?
- We came for ... - Our anniversary.
Your anniversary? How many years?
- Twenty-five. - Twenty-five! - More or less.
Congratulations. Do you know the philosophy of this restaurant?
- Marco must have told you. - Of course. And you?
- What about me? - Has Marco called?
Last night. Why?
I tried to reach him but he won't pick up.
- He must be at Nicola's. Will you excuse me? - Yes.
See? He must be at Nicola's.
I don't think she knows.
I mean, she doesn't know about the film.
- Did you ask? - I didn't, you can tell.
How long have we been married?
- You and I? - No, the waiter and I. - Twenty...
You don't know. How can you not remember?
I'm overloaded at work.
Really? Think I'm not overloaded at work?
This is to celebrate. Our cyber eggs.
Cybereggs... I haven't had any in years.
- With a shot of vodka. And the scalpels. - No scalpel, no party!
- How's the play? - Good...
- We're a little behind but... - It's tomorrow?
Yes. We're very behind.
I could give you a hand.
Sure, with pleasure. You know the school?
Yes. I'll get menus.
She knows all about us.
Come on, eat your cyber egg.
You wanted to have lunch here.
- It looks at me. - It's "looking", progressive tense.
Stop playing teacher.
- We should speak correctly. - It's colloquial!
- 200 euros per person. - You wanted to eat here.
Good thing we did. We haven't been to a cool restaurant in years.
Someone slashed my tires.
You parked on a handicapped space.
Handicapped doesn't mean you can be an asshole.
Give me the keys to the trunk, I'll get the jack.
Wait!
How much did you spend?
Sixty euros?
Six hundred!
What?
- Coming. - Sorry. Shit.
- Can we come in? - I thought it was my mother.
I'll be right back. Help yourself to something in the fridge.
No, thank you.
- What are you doing? - Helping myself.
- I only had a cyber. - That'll deflate you.
- What were you doing? - Chest. - Ah, chest.
Biceps and traps.
- Are you alone? - Yes.
No one's home?
He just said so. He's exercising.
Why are you here? Something happen to Marco?
- Like what? - Nothing. - Did he sleep here?
Sleep? He was too upset to sleep.
Marco said you bought a great machine.
- We came by to see it, didn't we? - This is it.
- It's a great machine. Very nice. - Want to try?
Not really, it's been a while...
- I'm tempted. - Go for it. - I'll go for it.
How much?
- Put it on 65 lbs. - 65...
Go.
- That's 65? - Less? - I can do this.
We can increase later.
- Goodbye. See you. - Hi, Nicola. - What's wrong?
Pain.
- Maybe 65 lbs was too much? - I used to do 80.
Yes, Silvana?
I left work an hour early. For what?
Don't cut my son's part.
Your son really misbehaved.
You misbehaved, you gave him the role and took it away.
Sir, you can't do this with kids. They suffer.
- Any solutions? - Excuse me, Sir.
You see Mr. Pannone, your son is not well brought up.
He was bad today.
Luckily, his classmate didn't end up in hospital.
- I gave his part away. - To a Chinese?
Yes, so what?
Pinocchio has a Chinese friend!
- And we even have a Romanian Fairy! - It can't be a Chinese boy.
Zhang can do the first part, Pannone the second.
What? It's Zhang's role!
- Wait a minute. - Why? - It's for the best.
Are you afraid? Did he menace you?
I'm sick of parents like you!
Always blaming someone else. Zhang is a good Candlewick.
- I'd like to see. - I'll get him and I'll show you.
- Excuse me, Sir. - Bring him here.
- Federica! - Hi, Lucia. - What are you doing here?
I came to help out. Is that ok?
For the show?
This occasion brings temptation... 'Adiós', fairy. I'm coming.
The Land of Toys.
Here comes the band in the fatal land.
Just a minute. Come with me Zhang.
Here we are. Now Zhang, recite for Mr. Pannone.
Do it well, come on!
The Land of Plenty, called the Land of Toys.
Why you no come you too?
The Land of Plenty, called...
Enough. How long have you been here?
- Three years? Three months? - Now you know.
Forget this. The show will never work.
Come on, Zhang!
Wow, that really tore me up!
What are you doing?
- Taking them home. - I'll drive her.
I'll drive, my car's bigger.
Take care of Zhang. See you.
The trunk's full.
Put it all on the back seat.
Great, that's the way.
Come to work in time to leave.
I was with the Swedes.
Did you go to lkea? They like it there.
- Fuck you! - Fuck you too!
WANT TO CHAT?
What's your name?
Hello, Franco.
You're so polite, Franco. Do you have a microphone?
I want to hear you.
- Here we go. - Good boy.
So? What can I do for you?
I want to know all about you.
You have such a warm voice.
I'm all excited...
Time's up Franco.
Pay to continue.
If you want to keep asking me questions, go ahead.
If you want to see me in my birthday suit...
Just click.
A teeny, weenie click.
- You remind me of Mina, the singer. - Who's that.
- Can you manage? - I should.
Shut the door please.
Watch the steps.
- Hello, Miss. - Hello, Charlita.
Can you take these please?
- Hello, Fede. - Hello, Matilde. - Good morning.
- This is Matilde, my sister. - Good morning. - Hello.
- Thank you for the ride. See you. - Of course.
- Look who's here, Franco. - Who's that?
He's very mean. He's going to hit me.
Let me go, bastard!
Click to see what the bastard's doing to me.
- I already spent 50 euros. - Click, Franco. Click!
Lorena, I don't like this. Stop! I don't like it like this!
Stop it!
It's your phone.
- Can you talk? - This is a bad time.
I'm at the office. Found Marco?
I can't explain. Meet me now.
- Where? - Federica's. In Fiume street.
- I don't have a car. - Get a cab!
No, I already spent this month's salary.
I can't leave here. Get moving!
- About time! - So? - We have to go in.
- Where? - In the house. Hurry.
We can't spend the day going into people's homes.
You don't get it. I'm sure, it's the house they filmed in.
Same couch and same Filipino maid.
- Good evening. - Come in.
- Hi, Lucia! Hi, Fausto. - Hi. - You're back?
You forgot the sunflowers in my car.
- Thank you. A glass of wine? - No. - Yes! Yes.
Mom? Just a minute.
She must be napping with the pups.
- Make yourself at home. Sit down. - Thank you.
- She sleeps with animals? - Who cares?
No! It's the porno sofa.
- It's them, I'm positive. - Them who?
Someone in this house. They shot it here.
Let's do this.
I'll take care of them, you go look around.
- Look around for what? - Go look. - Good evening!
I'm Lucia and this Fausto.
I'm Carla, Kernel, Nut. We meet at last!
- I'm honored. - We're practically in-laws.
Let's not be formal.
- Gladly, Carla. - Please sit.
We're in a bit of a hurry. Maybe a quick glass of wine.
- He has to make a phone call. - Me?
- Do you need the phone? - No. I have my personal phone.
Excuse me, it's a business call. May I?
- Take your time, Fausto. - Carla...
Mind the steps. He's myopic.
Hello, Sir? It's Cuviello from the technical office.
- What a lovely home. - Thank you. - A Hollywood home.
- Ever shot a film here? - A film? Here?
I wish!
I repeat Sir, it's file 387 B.
No Sir, it's classified D.
- Absolutely not Sir. Fine. - Sir?
- The bathroom? - Wrong room. Over there.
Toilet paper?
I was speaking to my secretary.
- Nice photos. Where were you? - In Corsica, this summer.
How do you secure the house during vacation?
Charlita always stays here.
Ready to kill the enemy.
Here it is.
Pervert!
- Good evening. - Good evening. - And you are?
- Fausto, Marco's father. - I see.
- I'm Alberto. - Good evening. - What are you doing here?
- Marco told me about the DVDs. - Really?
- Mind if I take a look? - Mind? I'd be delighted!
You like them too?
Everyone likes them. Maybe too much.
- Which one? - This one!
I'm the star.
- You too... - Especially me. Shall we?
- It's pretty strong stuff. - No problem.
Andrea! We're watching one with Fausto!
I'm grafting a bone in the jaw.
He had acute periodontitis.
- A pizza? - Perfect!
- A pizza? - Maybe not... - Carla, let's order pizzas.
- But we're making spaghetti. - Let's order pizza!
- Fine, no pasta, they want pizza. - I'll turn it off.
Does that boy work with your husband?
That's Andrea, Matilde's boyfriend. He's a director.
- Really? - He hit it off with Marco.
- With Marco? He cooks... - Marco loves cinema.
- He did a short with Andrea. - A short film?
- Have you seen it? - Not yet.
I have. Some job!
- What do you want? - Cheese and tomato.
- You? - Half a focaccia.
- Right, Andrea? - What?
It would be nice to show the short to them too.
- Well, it's not finished... sort of. - I saw it.
- Who are you? - The star's mother.
Excuse me for a minute.
Come out director. I won't hurt you.
What got into you?
Nothing. A game, then...
Seeing that your son is...
I know my son.
They swore that... that it wouldn't come out in Italy.
- Instead... - They screwed us.
- I see. - What? - You're both idiots.
- Right, two... Exactly. May I? - Go ahead.
First the clutch, then calmly shift.
- How are you? - How the hell do you think?
Sick! I'm sick. I feel like vomiting.
Watching all those shitty films!
Look, he's home.
- Where were you? - At school.
I had cooking classes.
- You didn't answer the phone. - It was at home.
Sit up straight.
So, we know everything. Who, when, where.
- We're missing why. - Why?
Why?
For the money.
For the money? What's in your head?
- Marco... - You think we do pornos to pay off the loan?
I have no other talent.
Other people cash in on their natural talents.
When Andrea asked me, I thought:
What difference is there between having this...
...thing that I have and playing the piano, for example?
What's the difference? You really don't understand?
- No. - Having a big pecker is not a talent.
Playing the piano is a talent! Learning the piano is hard!
What you have isn't... hard.
I'd like to know what pleasure other people get from this?
- You're laughing? - Me? - Trying not to.
- Was there a pun? - No. - I don't see one.
You do porn. Where's the pun?
- I'm not a pornostar. - You're a freak of nature!
Being a freak and having talent...
...are two completely different things.
You can't call your son "freak"...
...and expect him to take it well.
You know it's hereditary?
I can't believe it.
My son and husband are arguing over whose is biggest.
You didn't get it from me! Mine's normal. Right, Lucia?
Normal... Normal's a big word.
Come on, enough of this.
How can you say he's a freak of nature? You hurt his feelings.
Can't you think? Go apologize!
I'll apologize when he does.
You're both dickheads.
- Remember Sauro? - Who? - Sauro. Sauro Botta, your ex.
Yes.
- He wasn't bad. - Well...
When was it? 1990?
No, 1989.
You were together how long, 2 months?
We were together 20 days.
You wanted a break. Remember?
You're right.
I wondered how it was.
- How? - That way? - What way? - You know.
- No. - Normal? Not normal.
Again? Do you want to know whose is bigger?
Lucia, give me a break!
You give me a break: Haggling all day.
Lucia.
Yes.
Yes what?
That's what I wanted to know.
Fausto, I don't know how yours is. I don't have enough experience.
I don't remember how Sauro's was.
- But it's not important. - Right, it's not important.
Let's put it this way.
Would his height be important?
If I was 5' and he was 6', wouldn't it be important?
Yes. 5' is really little. Yours isn't that small.
Why? How small is it?
It isn't small for heaven's sake!
It's smaller than your son's.
I've seen it. You wouldn't like one like that.
I wouldn't like you to have one like that.
Sauro's wasn't like that.
- You remembered. - Do you think...
...I'd forget something like that?
If yours were like Marco's, I'd be in therapy!
Sorry.
Fausto realizes when he's acting like a jerk.
- I admit it. - What do we do now?
We don't do anything. It's his life. There are worse things.
- Really? - There's drugs, violence, alcohol. Things like that.
Isn't porn a bit like drugs?
Let's put it this way.
How many times did we wait up for him?
Because we were worried.
That he'd get stabbed, do drugs, or drive drunk.
And you're worried about pornos?
It never occurred to me that he'd do a porno.
You didn't consider it because it couldn't kill him.
And what do we do about AIDS?
- What about AIDS? - Go to bed.
Answer me.
I'm not stupid.
That's no answer, tell me more.
That took hours.
He said not to worry. He used a condom.
Goodnight.
- I'm a little worried. - Why?
I don't know how to speak to him. I lose my temper.
What are doing? Are you crazy?
Stop it.
Are you playing, tiger?
You always liked the tiger in me...
- Marco will hear us. - Who cares?
Open up you, scumbag!
- Open up! Come out of the house! - It's Federica.
- Come out of the house! - Listen to her.
- Hey, Fede. - How could you?
- What are you doing? It's nighttime. - How the fuck could you?
- How the hell could you? - Calm down!
Calm down?
That's a good one. I have to calm down after what you did?
Fuck you!
- I'm getting mad. - What? - I'm getting mad.
- What? - You can't turn up here at 2 am...
- What are you going to do? - What? I don't know.
- She's hitting him. - Get out of my life!
- Stop slamming... - Go after her!
The office DVD player.
- You left the DVD inside the player? - Did you give it to her?
No, she took it from the car by mistake.
What you mean is you brought the DVD home by mistake?
- You are nuts! - You're worse, going around with a car full of DVDs!
- Goodnight. - Goodnight.
Any idea where I can get a DVD fixed?
Big help you are.
Can I say something?
- What? - Something about Marco's talent.
If you must.
If it's hereditary...
...he got it from your father.
- Goodnight. - Goodnight.
Hope this never happens to you.
When your father's and your son's thing...
...dangle in front of you on the same day...
...just imagine it's a never ending day.
Hello. Is Marco there? I'm a friend.
- He's sleeping. - Sorry, I'll come by later.
- Come in, it's raining. - Thank you.
You're all wet. Want my bathrobe?
- Thank you. - Your friend's here!
- Would you like coffee? - Yes, thank you.
Can I put them here?
May I?
Dad!
- Hello Manuela. - Hello.
Thanks for the DVD. A lovely gesture.
- My pleasure. Did you see it? - Sure. And Paolino?
He found it surprising.
Congratulations. He's full of interests.
Listen Lucia... Marco?
I thought... Is he like his father?
Why do you think I'm always so happy?
- So? - So, our computers are under surveillance.
Forgiven?
Fired?
Transferred!
Heartlessly transferred to client relations.
Come on you can do it.
Careful, this guy's a snitch.
I don't often visit my Mom...
...since my sister Elena lives there.
She got divorced after our father died.
She had no children. This seemed to be a good idea.
Monthly visit?
- Where's Mom? - Out.
I forbid her to smoke at home.
Worse than jail.
So? What's new? Gossip?
Nothing in particular.
What are you doing?
Where are Dad's clothes?
We gave them to the Ladies of St Vincent.
You're a Lady of St Vincent?
Yes. You should join too.
- What are you looking at? - Just ladies?
You kidding? I'm done with men.
Too short? Slutty?
I'd like to see her face when I tell her.
What are you saying? That I'm slutty?
There is some gossip.
- You know my neighbor Manuela? - Yes.
She left a porno film in my mailbox.
- Guess who's the star? - Shoot. - Marco.
- Marco who? - Marco. My son! Your nephew.
What do you mean by star?
I mean... like Richard Gere in "Pretty Woman".
I mean, he's always on screen.
Can you believe that? Our Marco.
And that's how I discovered that he also has...
...a huge thing.
He didn't know what to do with it?
What do you do with a huge thing?
Keep it in his pants, I suppose.
I suppose... you could do that.
- This is the place. - Good morning.
This is where we keep them. We fix them and give them away.
Nice.
- Lady Elena... - Excuse me. Father Attilio.
How dare you?
- Don't worry, it's mine. - No, it's mine.
- Wait a minute. - It's mine.
How rude!
- I could change my plans. - Elena!
Where are Dad's things?
- Here they are. - Lady Elena 2!
The other was Lady 1.
- What are you doing? - Checking something.
Are you crazy? These are clean.
This penis thing is hereditary and Fausto's isn't...
- I mean, it's normal. - So?
- So... - Dad.
- It can't be. - You've seen it?
Are you crazy? God no.
Me neither. But it could be.
Is Mom still at the Seniors club?
Don't bring Mom into this.
No!
Father, I'll be right back.
Wait! I'm coming!
Again, the system is entirely computerized.
- Then I have to come back. - It comes directly to your home!
- Sure. - Don't come back!
- Sauro? - It's been a long time. A lifetime!
- You're the same. - And you.
Still upset about me and Lucia?
Water under the bridge.
- She never called me. - Thank God!
How is she? I'd like to see her. With you obviously.
How's the little boy?
He's nineteen now. He's sort of...
- Problems? - No, he's fine too.
- It was nice seeing you. - For me too.
If you need anything let me know.
Thanks. Where's the bathroom?
- It's at the end of the corridor. To the right. - Thank you.
Sauro! Wait! I'll walk with you.
Sauro...
Sauro Botta!
- Sauro Botta! - Fausto Cuviello!
This way.
What?
Nothing. Please.
No, after you.
Is this a joke?
I don't need to go anymore.
- Hi, mom. - What are you two doing here? - I came to see you.
25! 25! Christmas... Elena?
- Number 37! - Do you like it here?
It's the only place where I can smoke!
- Number 22! - Number 22.
How can I speak to her?
We never discussed things. Imagine doing it here?
We never spoke with Dad either.
He got ill and I always saw him that way.
Since I discovered this...
...I've started thinking about him differently: Young, healthy, and...
You see what I mean.
- He recognized us. - Really?
He's good-looking. Don't be picky, just for a fling.
- What? - You're a priest chaser! - That's a lie!
You go to church in the morning...
...afternoon and at night. - Stop it! I can't stand her!
And Marco?
Marco's fine.
- Stop smoking. It's bad for you! - Get off my back!
Cigarettes, sex, dad. Let's try.
- Did Dad ever smoke? - No.
Never?
I don't know about never.
But no...
- I never saw him smoke. - Let's try again.
You had so many suitors.
How did you choose Dad?
He was the kindest of all.
16 years ago, Marco had a brother for a few hours.
His name was Filippo.
He was born with a heart problem and died in the incubator.
He never lived.
I got over it. When I saw Mom thinking of Dad...
...I thought of Filippo and understood how lucky I am.
I'm 46 and the worst days of my life...
...were when Filippo and Dad died.
Fausto had an accident, broke his arm.
Marco had scarlet fever.
Scarey things, but not devastating.
Then there were disappointments.
But what Marco did is not really a disappointment.
It may even be amusing.
And if something can be amusing, it's another story, right?
A lot of positive things happened these days.
Fausto and I started making love.
I wouldn't have connected with Mom and Elena...
...if I hadn't wanted to find out how big dad had it.
Hi, Federica.
Congratulations. You did a good job.
I'm sorry. I didn't know you didn't know.
- Please pass the tape. - Yes. - Thank you.
You two should have discussed it but Fausto got upset...
...and that darn DVD.
Don't worry.
Federica...
Marco screwed up but he only did it once.
It happens.
Not the porno, I'm talking about screwing up.
It's not that bad, if you think about it.
What's between you two, is what matters.
What's happening? All this smoke.
Stop a second. Listen.
I wanted to apologize about last night.
I lost it, my nerves gave way.
I'm sorry too.
- What's this? - For Mom's party.
Look at this. Can I taste?
- Not bad. - Really?
Well, it's a sandwich. It's not...
We'll go to the show later. It's always too long.
A real drag.
Those girls, like the one...
Lorena. The one you saw.
Barely. I mean is she forced? Or drugged?
She worked in a travel agency. She got fed up.
Like I got fed up.
- So she... - All fed up? - Yes.
Like your friend the director. Another fed up blunderer.
But you... What I mean is...
Between cooking and acting cooking's better.
- As long as I don't speak. - Let's say you're more cut out for action films.
- They offered me more films. - Really?
Yes, but as star, co-star.
Even with say... with real stars.
- What do you care? - No, no...
I want to continue.
I like to cook, I'll keep doing it.
But in my free time.
- How's that? - What I mean... Maybe just for... no?
- You mean continue doing? - Doing porno.
I want to continue.
How are we going to carry all this stuff?
- In boxes. - Let's start packing.
Quickly, Marco, move! Let's get a move on!
I don't want to miss the beginning of the show!
For once, I want to see the beginning!
You said we'd go later.
Look at this cool place! We horse around all day long.
Me love it lots, Candlewick.
- The line... - Why don't you come too?
Follow me!
Merriment and agitation is our only occupation.
Wonderful!
As they cry, they sound like donkeys.
- I'm scared. - Don't be. Concentrate.
- What's up? - Nothing.
Are you still angry?
The rascals are changed into donkeys.
- What are you doing? - Holding the moon.
- Good. - I know. Here. Want to do it?
- Here. - Hold it. Hold tight.
Move over. Thanks.
Maybe it was the beer I had...
...but something weird happened.
I felt like I came out of my body.
In these past years...
...I would have killed for a moment like this.
Before marrying, I wouldn't have.
What did I know?
That I'd be afraid? How many compromises I'd make?
Things have to be taken the right way...
...not the other way around.
Everything in life has a sense, but not a way.
- Look, I really don't... - Why are you running away?
I just wanted... I was angry.
Your husband always blocks my car with his...
I just wanted...
It was a bit of a joke. A really stupid joke.
I apologize.
You dirty old man.
- I have to tell mom. - What?
- That I want to continue. - You'll give her a heart attack.
- I'll tell her. - Are you sure? - Of course. - To mom?
- At home, calmly. - Sure, at home.
- Always calmly! I'll tell her now! - Wait! Wait...
Stay here.
- Lucia! - What's up?
I have to tell you something.
What?
NOT A STAR?